Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
