what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
