So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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