the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
