she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
