Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
