It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
