i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
