why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
