I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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