you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
