she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
