It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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