I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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