I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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