I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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