Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
