Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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