The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
