Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
