I think im going to throw up on grandma
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
