Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
