plz talk dirty to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize