eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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