hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
