She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
