Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
