i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
