Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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