I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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