when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
