I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
