His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize