She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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