the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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