My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
