last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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