when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
