I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
