who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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