Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
