I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
