I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
