I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize