After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
