Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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