I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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