i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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