i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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