her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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