things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
