I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
