He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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