After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
