So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
