her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
