My balls are so social today.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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