Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
