I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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