So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
