I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
