ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
