he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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