I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
