mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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