I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
