I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
