He passed out mid-signature
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
