i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
