I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to make out with him forever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
