well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize