you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
